Nope, not a sad break up story. The Fella’s situation does mean that we’re either seeing a lot of each other or we have some downtime between face to face interactions, but that’s OK. Why?
Well, I’m the oldest of three. My younger siblings are both boys. I tended to be off on my own a lot growing up as I was often excluded from the boys only activities (mostly by my own choice – playing “knee hockey” with tiny hockey sticks on carpet or playing endless rounds of Ninetendo were not my favorite things). I have been self entertaining for as long as I can remember. I find enjoyment and peace in being alone . . . and I have rarely been lonely.
I find in this age of Facebook and online everything, that my attention span has grown so much shorter in some respects. From someone who was once a prolific reader to realize that a book hasn’t been picked up in over a month – there is a bit of a shock. Because books were the place where I was often alone in the author’s world, but I was never lonely.
When I moved out of my ex-husband’s house, books were one of the first things to be sorted as the sheer number of them was too ridiculous to even contemplate moving. But, I tell you, it was really quite hard to get rid of some of those literally dog chewed sad little paperbacks. Many of them had memories attached to them – trips I had picked them up for, books I had reread growing up more than a dozen times, stories that I had wished were my actual life.
It was a process to sort through them all. The ones that I never really warmed up to were easy. The ones that were a “one and done” type of read were next. The ones that I associated with periods in my life . . . those got harder. Many of them I took into the office so that the stories could go on in a different way, with different people. Some of them went to the used book store. Some of them found places on shelves and nightstands in other homes. The ones I kept were either cherished childhood books, ones I literally couldn’t bear to part with or were wonderful books that also had beautiful cover art – which means they were incorporated into my new home as multiple purpose – touchstones of sentiment, a much enjoyed story and decor.
So, this week as I find myself with multiple days with nothing scheduled and full evenings to enjoy at my leisure (although leisure these days involves cleaning the hardwood floors while debating the merits of listening to NPR vs fun music), I have 2 books on deck to “stick my nose in” (as my parents were rather fond of saying). One is currently showing as a movie – Away from the Maddening Crowds by Thomas Hardy. The other is H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. Both, I heard about during interviews on NPR (sigh . . . I love NPR. I don’t always agree with it, but I do love how they tell stories and do interviews).
So, while I will be alone, I don’t believe I will find myself to be lonely. It is hard for me to not feel satisfied after a good ride on my horse and a hot shower follwed by a glass of wine, a few crumbs a cheese, a favorite dog curled up by my side while being lost in finding a new world. Maybe I’ll even indulge in a new candle. 🙂